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Well, I've transcended into the retarded zone again....
I've recently made such a stupid mistake that I need to tell everyone how big of an idiot I can be.
This past weekend I went to Maryland to help my cousin paint his condo. While there my rapidly deteriorating back bottom tooth was killing me. It got so bad that it swelled up and was painful for me to even move my jaw at all.
My cousin Corey apparently recently had the same problem and had some pills left over.
I know that some of you are already groaning internally, seeing the obvious conclusion of this story.
He gave me the last 5 or six of the pills. Now, I'm usually the cautious type and don't take anything without checking it out, but I had so much pain that I didn't even think of it. So before work monday I took one of them. Towards the end of the work day I couldn't figure out why my hands and feet were killing me, felt like they were burning, and killed to move. I returned home and thought about it, then it hit me. I checked the name of the pills, Amoxocillin. This probably doesn't sound bad to anyone if they don't know a special fact about me. I'm one of those special beings that's allergic to plain old penicillin. Amoxocillin is, as you probably already guessed, a more powerful form of penicillin.
Go me! I was out of work yesterday, delirious and feverish, but I'm better now and felling ever so giddy about my lapse in judgement.
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No offense, karma...
I recently got selfishly resentful about the way my life was going.
For example,
- The woman I love lives two states away.
- My roommate was an idiot and lost me the chance to keep my apartment.
- Then all 5 of the other apartments I had lined up fell through like dominoes.
- Because I had to be out of my old apartment so quickly I lost all my furniture and a bunch of stuff I liked.
- I was 28, homeless again, sleeping on my cousins couch.
- My major medical problem (only a few of you know about this, it's the only thing I'm embarrassed about) was back with a vengance due to the stress, and was causing me serious physical pain constantly, as well as making me self concious and ugly.
Then, a miracle of sorts happened.
- After a major meltdown, my love and I are more in love than ever, having sorted out the financial issues as well as the sex issues (explainations on a personal basis) and have a plan for the year to come.
- Everyone in my life who always strive to help, entertain, and care for, did the same for me. They didn't let me feel sorry for myself, give up, or lose my cheerful attitude.
- Because of them, I kept plugging away and found an apartment, sorted out financial issues, and signed a lease within 4 days of seeing the ad in the paper.
- They helped convince me that I could handle my own place for the first time in my life. I've lived with roommates since my first apartment, now I have my own one bedroom apartment- and I'm completly confident that I can handle it. Now I'm happier than ever because it's mine.
- Then they helped me move the few things I had left and gave me new stuff for my new apartment. A bed, couch, chairs, appliances, dishes, silverware, entertainment center with tv, stereo and vcr, and a drafting table that will help me with my art like nothing else!
People close to me sometimes say that I spread myself too thin at times helping those I love and care about. Ialways believed that you do whatever you can for anyone that needs help.
Thank god I believed in that, because when I was in my time of need and despair, all those I had been killing myself to help did more for me than I could ever truly relate to you.
I feel like the luckiest guy on earth right now, not because of my apartment or the things I was given, but because of the lengths people who love me were willing to go to help me.
This is why if you are my friend never feel scared about asking any favor of me- it's all relative.
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HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (Written by kids) * You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10 * No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? * Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10 * No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. -- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age) HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? * Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? * Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure) * On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10 WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? * I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9 WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? * When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7 * The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that - - Curt, age 7 * The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? * I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. -- Theodore, age 8 * It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child) HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? * There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8 And the #1 Favorite is....... HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? # Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. -- Ricky, age 10
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Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Our last name stays put. The garage is all ours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. We can be President. We can never be pregnant. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. We can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell us the truth. The world is our urinal. We never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress~$5000. Tux rental~$100. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. We know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. We can open all our own jars. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend. Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. We almost never have strap problems in public. We are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on our face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. We only have to shave our face and neck. We can play with toys all our life. Our belly usually hides our big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. We can wear shorts no matter how our legs look. We can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. We RULE!
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As I'm sure you're all aware I haven't been online in a long long time. This was originally due to a conflict that the hellhouse (the house I used to live at in Collingdale) had with PECO (The Philly power company for those of you not around here). They said we had to actually pay for our power and we disagreed. It was a classic lovers spat. They said they'd turn off our power if we didn't pay, we said they didn't have the balls to do that and they promptly whipped them out and set us back to the stone age of candle watt power. We cried, threatened, begged and in the end tried something totally wacky and paid the bill. They put their balls away and we've been good friends ever since. Then I went through a series of downward spiraling events that I’ll relate later. That’ll be a hell of an entry. Now, since I'm totally egotistical I'm assuming that all of you have missed me terribly and on several occasions have cried yourself to sleep at night while refreshing your friend’s page in the hopes of an entry from me. In hopes of making this up to you I'm gonna give you a run down of posts I would have made so you can pretend I was never gone. I'm gonna include a run down of emotions you should feel and actions you should take (or can pretend you did take). These will be shown by italics. Enjoy With All My Love And Inappropriate Touching, Hot John Miller - Witty joke about a celebrity being a dumbass in public and me wondering why they are alive because they annoy me for reasons that don't matter to anyone but me. (Laugh and comment that I'm funny and make a joke about my intelligence.) - Story about someone in the hellhouse (From when I still lived there) being and idiot and me taking advantage of the situation to make fun of them. (Laugh and agree that they are idiots) - Story about a night at the bar and having to work the next day, slightly whiny even though I knew I'd have to work when I was heading to the bar. (Laugh slightly about the funny parts of the night but feel no pity for me since it was my own fault) - Funny joke I made up that starts being less and less funny when I say it in person or on the phone to you twenty times. (Laugh slightly) - Vicious rant about stuff that pisses me off and makes me angry about human nature. My anger at people's inability to cope with the fact that they are not the most important person in the world. The fact that everything everyone else does isn't an attack on them..... See now I almost got started on a rant and I wasn't even meaning to.. (Laugh and agree and get slightly mad at points I've made while trying not to get pissed off at stuff I've said that applies to you) - Some random entry that I think is hilarious but no one else gets. (Become slightly uncomfortable and ignore the entry entirely) - Late night drunken entry about being lonely (when I was still single) and throwing a pity party for myself even though I don't really feel lonely because I know that I've got alot of people that love me. The entry is longish and sounds kinda fake cuz in my drunken state I don't want to name specifics so I don't hurt anyone even though I feel like they've hurt me, though they probably have no idea that anything happened so nothing's really brought to closure. Most likely I was drinking alone cuz I wanted alone time and things got out of hand. (Feel bad for me and reply that you love me and you're always there if I need to talk, or call me and get surprised when I sound completely happy and normal) - Random picture I made in Photoshop that I'm really proud of but alot of you could make with your eyes closed. That or a funny pic I took of myself to support my ever-expanding ego. This may be accompanied by a funny quote or caption. (Laugh at the joke and feel bad for my self-delusion so you tell me that the pic rocks.) - Stupid quiz that I decided to do because I'm bored and don't feel like calling back the dozen or so people that asked me to do something with them. The quiz isn't done seriously because I'm actually annoyed at seeing the thing a million other times in random people's journal's whose answers are lame and uninspired and have me falling asleep halfway through. The thing is loaded with fake self-degrading jokes, attacks on random friends and celebrities, and just all around 3rd grade humor. (Laugh at the jokes and wonder why your own quizzes aren't as funny- OUCH, BURN!!!! YOU JUST GOT SERVED!) - Story about something I said to someone because I have no control over my mouth and say alot of shit I really shouldn't. This goes to prove how my complete honesty isn't ever a good thing and I should learn to just shut up. (Laugh at what I said and wonder why I haven't gotten my ass beat by 90% of those I meet.) There you have it I hope this has helped you to cope with my absence and get back in tune with my humor and general nature of being an asshole. Whatcha Feelin?:  chipper
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I would just like to say, I give a big "hat's off" to whoever gave my number to 7 gay guys and 3 slutty girls at the last Vesago and told them to hit on me on my birthday.
At first I thought it was a fluke, and someone was mistaken, but the later it got and the more calls I got made me start to ask questions.
Appartently at the last Vesago, a group of gay guys and a couple whorish girls found a special interest in me and someone I know took it upon themselves to "hook them up" with my number.
It was very flattering when I was told my ass was "a delectable treat I'f like to dive headfirst into." And that my penis would, "cry for more as it was sucked over and over again like the energizer bunny of sex."
I laughed my ass off and had some pretty interesting conversations as they all called after 1am tonight (which apparently was the agreed upon time with my friend who "hooked them up with that sweet ass hot john." Especially funny was the guy who had apparently seen my myspace profile and wantedi to "dress like a dirty schoolgirl, only with a rock-hard penis." (I can't make this shit up!)
The three girls that called were the tamest ones, surprisingly. They just wanted to, "Suck my dick so hard I would turn inside out." and "Make me thank god I was born a man with a huge cock." (apparently whoever did this also told my cock size, because they all knew about it in detail)
I got alot of laughs out of it so I thank you for the hilarious joke, never do it again or I will track you down and give you a wedgie you'll never forget.
lovins,
Pope Hot John I
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Well it looks like in a week or so I'll be moving out of my sister's basement to finally return to active society. These last couple months spent not living on my own sucked, I'm not used to it. I'll be moving in with my friend Mike ( ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) awq) who I've known for way too long. No good can come of this..... We've already established that when we get together our collective IQ drops to that of an onion, and the random shit wierdness factor goes through the roof. (I point you to exibit a: the fact that we were once locked together in a schitzophenic's basement, and exhibit b: we've almost died together at least three times of causes that would make normal people's mouth's fall open like Corkey from "Life Goes On") I'm taking bet's on how this will turn out, any guesses? We are planning on starting full blown work on our television collaberation, "Defenders Of Freedom". And we plan on starting work on 2guysviews again. Hope to entertain you all real soon with our antics. -Hot John
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Last night I was crowded into a room full of relatives I barely knew(from my step-dad's side of the family- but since my parents are in phoenix it was me with random aquaintances).
The chaos was overwhelming, the kind of chaos I usually thrive on, a captive group of strangers for me to impress and make laugh.
But I wasn't on my game. I made some random jokes, but on the whole I was "tranquil" if you will.
I can't explain what came over me, be it the past year and all it's crap, my hopes and fears for my future realized, or the fact that I missed a million different people at once.
For some reason I was mullified, sullen and surprisingly close-mouthed (everyone who knows me knows how hard it is to get me to shut up).
Then a strange feeling came over me. I felt warmth roll throught my body like a freight train, as if someone in the world was missing me as much as I was missing them, sending me their strength and love. My eyes misted up slightly and a idiotic smile creeped over my mouth.
So I'm returning the favor. Everyone who is reading this I want you to do something for me. Close your eyes and think about me standing with you, giving you a big hug or a firm handshake, whichever you prefer. As you think of this I'm with you, in spirit. I'm there with you giving you the strength and love that you know I have for you. Know that I will always be here for you, even if it's just to talk.
I'm not gonna say merry christmas, or happy channakeasdkhg(however you say it) or kwanzaa.
I'm just gonna say good day
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